Almost 2-3 years ago I had split with my first ex who put me through hell in the relationship. Who didn’t know how bad his wife was when she kept on messaging me until I told him last night and when we had finally met after all this time. This ex of mine didn’t realise how bad my life had dramatically changed to happy and free to living in fear for my life and not knowing how to cope with things. Especially everyday life.
Until one day. One day I had enough of someone standing me up when they said they would come and meet up with me. That’s when I wanted to control my life not all of the negative controlling my life. I emailed him that Sunday night knowing that I would most regret it because of the unknown of my feelings and if he would turn up or not. Let alone the needles and the implant that I had to endure before the meeting in the morning. However my anxiety was getting to me to badly that I was frightened in doing the doctors and seeing him.
After over coming my first hurdle on that Monday morning at the doctors. It was time to face the music of seeing him. The next big dread luckily I was seeing my best friend before seeing him; she walked with me to the subway of where he was going to meet me, she waited with me so I didn’t look like a fool. Waited a few minutes and then he was messaged me saying that he was to my left and he flashed his car lights. So I said good bye to my friend for awhile so I could deal with him head on. My stomach was starting to feel sick, I wanted to turn round and walk away to join my friend. Yet my feet still carried on walking towards his car. He told me to get into his car. As I got into his car I was still feeling anxious because I didn’t know what his game was but he knew I was feeling anxious.
We talked a bit in the car for awhile until I had suggested that we should go for a drink; any excuse to get out of the car to get fresh air to calm my nerves down, so we went to my local spoons that wasn’t too far away by foot. Then we chatted he knew I was anxious even more because I had started to play with the glass whilst I was talking he tired to calm my hands down but didn’t work in the end he had to move the glass away to make me look at him. So for awhile we chatted and walked back to his car as he had to go.
I kept my distance a bit away from him because I knew that he still loved me even though he was still with his harassing wife. Before he got into his car he had asked ‘do I get a hug?’ I gave him a hug it felt so nice but still didn’t change a bit of what he had done to me in the first place. It’s a good start to be able to clear the air and helps me to be able to clothes the door of the past and finally be able to move on with my life.