After a tough start of the day today long with constant of feeling sick, having anxiety attacks, close to crying and the air being so muggy. I faced in going round to my local small supermarket sainsburys to see if I could go out and without having an attack. I have to say success in doing that front of things so I thought “let’s go swimming as its hot, hummied and muggy. Along with let’s use my membership card at the sports park that I’m a member off. As I pay £66 for it.” So I paid for the bus fair to get near it and walk the rest of the way. Once I got changed and everything got into the pool. My god that was cold because I was so boiling hot from outside where I began to sweat on which isn’t nice.
I managed to do a few lengths before I decided to dunk my head in the water thinking it’s okay for me to do so. Yet the tables had turned when I came up normally I hate to add when I do this I’m perfectly fine dunking my head into the water and coming out fine. Yet this time I wasn’t so fine because as I came up from the water for air. I had started to have a panic attack where my head didn’t know where I was and I thought I was going back under as the water was rushing over my face. Luckily I managed to pull myself out of it because I didn’t want to be the one rushing to A&E for having a panic attack in the water. I thought I’ll do two more lengths to see how I go by the time I got to one ladder to get out my arms where starting to shake to the point of am I having another one or is it because I’m tired or is it because I’m just getting over the one that I just had? On the last length I reached the second set of ladders and got out just to be on the safe side. Take myself out of danger of the water so that if I did have another one I’m out of more danger.
However I feel a whole lot better in doing the exercise and cool off now but it’s a bit hard to know when it’s going to happen but people say “exercise is good for you to train your mind and it helps with your mental health” to be honest do they know what it feels like being trapped inside your head and experience mental health issues. For me I’m quite determined to do things when I want to do it and get on with it.
Who knows? I’m currently writing this blog outside on the Terence of the sports park that I go to. Literally by the main road called the A3 the noise isn’t that bad as I thought it was out here and just seen a greedy magpie bird lurking ready to steal something. It was on top on the roof above my head for a bit. Here the two Magpies.