4:22am I lay in bed listen. Listening to the birds singing as the morning rises. As everyone else is sleeping. Every creature getting their food for themseleves and their younglings becfore us humans disturb them. Me on the other hand been up like since about three in the morning. I can’t sleep too warm, feel too sick and most of all my anxiety has started to arise. The worries and the pains haven’t really gone away.
I wish my brain would turn off. I wish I could relax. Wish the pain in my calf muscle stops hurting I thought it was cramp but it wasn’t I must of hurt it as went swimming. As I draw breathe my chest tightens. I can’t breathe through my noise because of hayfever.
4:30am it’s silent now. As I yawn I think about trying to sleep but I know I won’t be able to sleep because I know I want to be safe. Want my anxiety to stop giving me grief. Tempted to open my window but I know I’ll be cold. My body can’t make up its mind what tempiture it wants to be. It hasn’t been like that for years.
I remember when it was so hot I would still wear a jumper because I would be cold. Plus I didn’t know then but it was myself comfort of protecting my own skin from things. Like a anxiety and etc.
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